Christmas And Barbed Wire

I've made no secret of the fact that I don't particularly enjoy doing the whole Christmas decorating thing. I can barely keep up with the house, the chores, and a million other things without having to worry about dragging things out of the basement, arranging them, taking our day to day decorations down to the basement all for a mere month. It's a lot of stinking work.
This year with Grabby McBean in the house, I think I just might be off the hook with the full blown decorating. There is no way that this climbing, yanking, grabbing child will be able to handle a few random Santas and snowmen scattered throughout the house. No how, no way.
I don't even know how we'll get a Christmas tree up. I figure that the only chance we have of keeping it standing is going to be to put it in the bathroom in our bedroom. Either that or barricade it with a fence and barbed wire. Any guesses on how many times the tree is actually going to fall completely over? I'm going with under ten, over six.

Friday Night Leftovers

• Seriously, I might have issues. This week, I booked Tot's birthday party at the inflatable bouncy place. The party is in April. Yes, April, people! She doesn't know anything about it because I can't bear to hear her talk about it for the next five months or so. Only one of us is permitted to be compulsive.
• Yesterday I fell down half a flight of stairs. Even though I jacked up my ankle and definitely twisted my knee, I stand by the belief that falling is always funny.
• Tot continues to ask if we can get a "black baby"?????
  
• My favorite "that's what she said" moment of the week: Tot asked, "Daddy will you cover me up with the head?" (Referring to the bear shaped blanket she wanted to use while watching her show.) (And, I sit here now and giggle to myself.) (I am so juvenile.)
  

How to enjoy the leftovers

1. Write out all the random thoughts swimming in your head that don't quite constitute a blog entry of their own.
2. Copy and paste the Leftovers photo onto your post.
3. Link back to Sippy Cups.
4. Enter your name and address into Mr. Linky.
5. Visit all the other leftovers and leave your love over the weekend.

Longest Post In Recorded History (But, Promises of Juice) Vera Verita

Today's post is on La Vera Verita

For those of you newbies or those who have forgotten, *ahem.*

Now That The Dust Has Settled Part 2 of 2

As a side effect of working full time and commuting for two hours every day I've notice that two parts of my life are severely suffering. Me time has almost become obsolete and many of my relationships with important (and not so important) people are strained. I fully understand the rationale for why this is happening, but I can't fix it, not now.
By the time I leave for work, commute there and back and walk back into the house, I've been gone for nine hours. I feel like I'm barely seeing my children and my husband. Because of that, the guilt I'm feeling, the experiences I'm missing out on and the hurt and ache don't give me any room for "me" time. I feel horrible stopping on the way home to do anything. After not seeing my kids for nine hours and knowing that they are at home waiting for dinner, I can't not go straight home. At this point, driving to and from work and going to class are my me time. I'm already missing out on so much with them, it kills me to even consider doing anything else without them. As can be imagined, if I'm not taking time for me, I'm certainly not making time to nurture my relationships with friends or anyone else, for that matter. I just don't have a moment of time. My husband and my children are my priorities and if I'm away from them for forty-five plus hours a week, they get all that is left of me.
It may sound terrible to admit that I'm not taking me time or that I'm not nurturing relationships, but I am doing what I feel like I have to do to emotionally survive right now. No one can tell me any differently. I hate my job, I miss my children and it breaks my heart that our family time has been reduced to a few hours a night and one day a week. Yes, I know that this may sound ridiculous, but it is my reality. Life has become a day to day struggle for me and even though the dust may have settled, it has already done its damage and is slowly suffocating me.

Now That The Dust Has Settled Part 1 of 2

At this point, I've been in my new job for about three months. I feel like an adequate amount of time has passed to take an objective look at how being a mother and working full time has impacted my life and the lives of Bee and the girls. This being the very first time that I have ever worked full time as a mother, the adjustment period and learning curve have been enormous. Of course, throwing a PhD program into the mix hasn't necessarily helped lessen this curve. Yet, I wouldn't make another choice about going back to school. This doctoral process is what refills my self-esteem reserves. School is the only thing keeping my brain from atrophy since my job is a hideous excuse for professional stimulation.
What I've discovered is that although the day to day pain (literally- physical pain) of leaving my girls has lessened, I still miss them immensely. My emotional breakdowns have decreased from daily to about once a week. I've found that by Thursday afternoons I'm crying on the way home from work.
Missing my girls, missing out on milestones, games, activities and the day to day goings-ons is possibly one of the hardest parts for me to come to terms with. There are days when I sit at work, wondering what my girls are doing at that very moment and I struggle to fight back tears. I feel like I'm missing out on so very much of Bean's development. Time has not lessened the stab of pain I feel when I leave them every morning. Although I don't want my kids crying and clinging to me when I leave, it still hurts when I do leave. Now, they don't even blink an eye when I say good-bye. I don't want them to miss me and be sad, but I do want them to miss me, because of how sad it makes me. These past three months haven't made missing out on my girls any easier. I really don't know if it ever will.
As a side effect of working full time and commuting for two hours every day I've noticed that two parts of my life are severely suffering....

To Be Continued...

Twelve Months Young *sniffle*

Here we are, the year milestones.
Unbelievable. (Have I mentioned that before?)

• Height: (for the record, I will be calling this measurement "height" instead of "length" from now on since the girl is a walking machine) Twenty nine and a half inches (that's the seventy-fifth percentile)
• Weight: Twenty-two pounds four ounces (that's the seventy-fifth percentile again!)
  
• Grand accomplishment this past month: Walking! Sometimes, the little pumpkin pie's head gets ahead of her body, but she's almost always on her feet these past few weeks.
  
• Language: She says "hi," "bye," "momma," "dada," "yeah" and makes a "wfff" noise when the dogs bark. The little pork chop also jabbers all the time, chatting and chatting away in her very own Bean language.
  
• Tricks: Yes, I force my child to perform for her dinner. She waves hi and bye, shakes all over when you tell her to "shake your body," shakes her head no if you say "yes" (or if you say "no"), and of course, does the obligatory "so big" with her arms high in the sky.
• Teeth: Six, all on her left side.
  
• The girl loves bath time, throwing her food over the edge of her tray to feed the dogs, playing with her sister, torturing the dogs (also know as waking them up when they are sleeping and chasing them around the house), dancing, singing, flipping things over, climbing and pushing random chairs around the house. And, have I mentioned that she LOVES dancing.
  
• Favorite food (of the moment): cheese
• Bean loves to be read to and likes to do a little "reading" herself, complete with jabber and pointing to the pictures in the book.
  
• Temperament: Happy, easy, fiesty
• The girl is still a major cuddle bug and has begun giving "smoochies" this month upon request (and sometimes unsolicited). I will accept the open mouthed kiss, but the throwing in of the tongue makes me all icky inside. Nonetheless, I'll happily take them, tongue and all.
  

Weekly Winners 11/7 - 11/14

After last week's birthday extravaganza, it's been a pretty quiet week around these parts. Only a few photos even remotely worth sharing.

Big Shuttle, Small Baby

Sisterhood

Visit Lotus to see all the winners

Self Esteem Boosters

Eat your hearts out...
I got me some fancy awards!
Dawn from Can You Imagine gave these to me :)

Here are the rules:
1. You can only use one word!
2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers.
3. Alert them that you have given them this award!
4. Have Fun!

The Survey (of course, it's not just ALL about me) my answer, Bee's answer, Tot's answer, Bean's answer
1. Where is your cell phone? charging, counter, hello, stolen
2. Your hair? Jonas, crazy, long, mohawk
3. Your mother? determined, beautiful, beautiful, fantastic
4. Your father? interesting, loyal, handsome, fantastic
5. Your favorite food? frenchfries, wings, pasta, cheese
6. Your dream last night? none, quiet, trucks, binkies
7. Your favorite drink? Starbucks (duh!), beer, juice, milk
8. Your dream/goal? balance, rich, domination, running
9. What room are you in? kitchen, kitchen, bedroom, bedroom
10. Your hobby? mommyhood, Jeeps, whining, climbing
11. Your fear? regret, none, toenails, tape
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? balanced, (disturbingly, Bee started laughing at this point. I was driven to give him a stern warning) beach, nine, seven
13. Where were you last night? doctor, home, home, doctor
14. Something that you aren’t? satisfied, retired, tall, diaperless
15. Muffins? blueberry, cinnamon raisin (not in a million years have I ever seen him eat this. I'm beginning to think he's just saying random things), donuts, pancakes
16. Wish list item? SAHM, Bentley, princessbike, binkies
17. Where did you grow up? here, hood (what?), upstairs, Mommybelly
18. Last thing you did? kissed, stairs, kissed, kissed
19. What are you wearing? jeans, hat ("with nothing else"... why do I bother?), pajamas, pajamas
20. Your TV? on, small, ok, huh
21. Your pets? annoying, suck, Rizzo, woof
22. Friends? lifetime, far, Warren, Mommy
23. Your life? chaotic, content, fun, busy
24. Your mood? sullen, frustrated, demanding, happy
25. Missing someone? always, Mom, Aunt Roni, yes
26. Vehicle? silver, Jeep, Jeep, carseat
27. Something you’re not wearing? rings, jacket, socks, hat
28. Your favorite store? Loft, REI, toys, grocery
29. Your favorite color? green, red, pink, rainbow
30. When was the last time you laughed? today, hour, tonight, tonight
31. Last time you cried? today, *shrug*, today, tonight
32. Your best friend? several, blond, yeah!, Tot
33. One place that I go to over and over? vacation, beach, beach, stairs
34. One person who e-mails me regularly? Bee, wife, President, Oprah
35. Favorite place to eat? sushi, Mike's, Brownrestaurant, anywhere

The Rules:
1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award and write a little bit about why you love them. (Dawn has an incredibly optimistic view of life. I can't wait to virtually meet Bebe when she arrives!)
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4. Nominate no more than 17 people who you love or you think could use some love.
5. Write one word (you can only use a word once) about what you love about their blog.
6. You cannot nominate someone who has already been nominated – the love has to spread to all.
7. Post links to the 17 blogs you nominate.
8. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they’ve been nominated.

I'm leaving the nomination part open... I want to nominate everyone. Please consider yourself nominated!!!

Friday Night Leftovers

• Tot has begun hanging her jackets on light switches around the house. Makes perfect sense, actually. And, really, as long as they're getting hung up, I don't care if we can't turn any of the lights on to see.
• Some people love the moment when they get to stop toting a diaper bag around everywhere. Some people covet the day when all their children are out of diapers. Me? I will be loving the day when my kids can eat lunch in the car on the way home from a long morning out and about. It would be wonderful not to have to stop and go through a huge ordeal which always includes screams about playing in the germ infested plastic tubes hanging from the ceiling. Oh, drive thru, how I can't wait to order from your talking box!
• The girls have begun playing together. They laugh, they giggle, they chase. Tot gets a little rough, but Bean is doing pretty well holding her own. Moving on two feet is definitely helping her keep up.
• I am singing Handy Manny's "Kelly's Hardware Store" in my sleep lately. Would someone please make that "video" go away???
• After some hemming and hawing, I decided to get the H1N1 shot for the girls. Please, no horror stories.
• Bee and I had another semi-serious discussion this week about moving. Not a big move, just a mini, closer to civilization move. We'll see....
  

Tomorrow & Friday Night Leftovers

Tomorrow I'm going to attempt to host a little Friday Night Leftovers for all my bloggy friends.
The premise is this: bullet point all the stuff floating around in your head that doesn't quite qualify as a blog post, but needs to shared. I'll post around four o'clock, a little earlier than usual, so keep your eyes peeled.
Please play, I so don't want to be the girl who has a party that no one comes to. Even if it's just three of us, I'd be happy. (I find that setting low expectations builds my self-esteem!)
Hopefully, Mr. Linky will be working properly and we'll all have a leftover party.
So, copy the photo, upload it to your blog, link something back to me (the more the merrier), add your name to Mr. Linky and we'll be off.
Are you going to make me beg?